


You Don't Know The Half Of The Abuse

by your_typeofmetal



Category: Clique, Twenty One Pilots, joshler - Fandom
Genre: 21pilots - Freeform, Clique - Freeform, M/M, josh and tyler - Freeform, joshler - Freeform, twenty one pilots - Freeform, tøp - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-28
Updated: 2016-06-28
Packaged: 2018-07-18 18:02:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7325095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/your_typeofmetal/pseuds/your_typeofmetal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"He sits in his cell as he examines his hands for the umpteenth time today. These hands- painted black to match his neck- are the very hands that took Joshua Dun’s life. They always will be. These hands that clutched Josh’s head as he lay on the ground, bleeding from his mouth and his stomach from the stab wound. These hands, covered in Josh’s blood, grasped the back of Josh’s head and pulled it into Tyler’s chest as he violently sobbed. These hands cradled his best friend and rocked his lifeless body in some desperate attempt to make him come back. Or maybe it was just to feel Josh in these hands again."</p><p>Tyler Joseph did not kill Josh Dun.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Don't Know The Half Of The Abuse

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all!! So I'm not even sure if anyone is even going to read this, but if by some chance someone's eyes are skimming over this, thank you for taking interest. This is my first 'official' posted fic, so I hope you enjoy. Also, thank you to Meagan for being my beta before posting this ily. <3  
> stay alive frens |-/

Tyler hasn’t seen Josh in four days. 

 

This is the longest he’s been gone in over a month. 

 

He feels as if he’s going through withdrawal. Maybe he is. Tyler feels sick, like his insides are swimming around and trying to climb up his throat. He can’t seem to stop shifting his eyes around his cell. He can’t allow himself to sleep in fear he’ll miss him. Tyler’s body shakes violently at the very thought of Josh coming back.

 

It’s Tyler’s worst fears that he won’t. He fears that four days ago, when Josh walked up to his cell and smiled at him, will become the last time he’ll ever see his best friend. 

 

 _“_ _Orange suits you,”_ Josh had laughed, “ _you look good Ty.”_ He had laughed too at the ridiculousness of it. It seems now like a millennia ago.

 

Josh is all Tyler has in this place, and even then, his rational mind (well, what’s left of it) knows it can’t be real. He doesn’t care.

 

It’s dark in Belle Reve all the time, and cold. The air is always thick and weighs down any and all who dare to breathe it in. Tyler only has two blankets. At night when he’s alone with his thoughts as he stares up at the concrete ceiling, it feels like not even ten blankets could make him feel warm. 

 

The truth is Tyler is in here because of a terrible thing he did. 

 

_“_ _I didn’t do it. It wasn’t me. I didn’t do it. It wasn’t-_ _“_

 

The constant pain he feels in his chest never ceases because of it. Tyler would never hurt anyone - especially the person he loved with all of his heart. 

 

But the world didn’t see it that way. 

 

Tyler tried and tried and tried to convince them all; to tell them what actually happened. No one ever listened. They had evidence, and that’s all they needed to lock him up for good.

 

He sits in his cell as he examines his hands for the umpteenth time today. These hands- painted black to match his neck- are the very hands that took Joshua Dun’s life. They always will be. These hands that clutched Josh’s head as he lay on the ground, bleeding from his mouth and his stomach from the stab wound. These hands, covered in Josh’s blood, grasped the back of Josh’s head and pulled it into Tyler’s chest as he violently sobbed. These hands cradled his best friend and rocked his lifeless body in some desperate attempt to make him come back. Or maybe it was just to feel Josh in these hands again. 

 

One last time. 

 

Blurryface had done some terrible things. Terrible things that Tyler got blamed for. But this…

 

This took the cake. 

 

“Schizophrenia” is what it says on Tyler’s paperwork. It also says words like, depression, multiple personalities, suicidal. Those are all the fancy terms they use to label Tyler, the words that his shitty lawyer used to avoid getting him locked away for murder. Not like it helped. But to Tyler, it’s not just schizophrenia. It isn’t just depression. He doesn’t want to just kill himself. No one understands what it’s like inside of Tyler’s head. 

 

It never  _stops_. 

 

The constant blabbering and self deprivation are just the beginning. Tyler  _did not_ kill Joshua Dun.  Because Tyler is a sweet, loving, caring, passionate individual who would take a bullet for anybody in its path. He wishes he could just turn back time and be that person again. To rid himself of the agony. But that’s not who he is anymore, and he knows that. 

 

When Tyler told the police the he did not kill Josh Dun, they looked down at his bloody hands and soaked shirt. 

 

_“_ _I-I didn’t do this I could never do this I…Josh, oh god. Josh, please I didn’t- I didn’t do this to him listen to me please that wasn’t me I-“_

 

Blurryface killed Joshua Dun. And he did it in Tyler’s own skin. 

 

He wanted to make sure Tyler felt every single second as the blade pushed into Josh’s stomach and twisted. Josh looked up at Tyler’s face and saw the red eyes and the sadistic smile spread across it. He knew that  _thing_ wasn’t Tyler. And he tried so hard to talk to him- but every time he opened his mouth he felt the twinge of the sharp blade again.

 

_Tyler take control you can do this._

 

_Make him stop Tyler please._

 

_I forgive you Ty, I know this isn't you but you’re the only one that can fight him._

 

_Tyler I love you I’ve loved you since the day I laid eyes on you I-_

 

But nothing came out. Tyler would never know.

 

He fell to the floor and as he dropped, hereached a hand to Tyler’s. He grasped it with every inch of energy he had left, trying to convey everything he couldn’t say. 

 

Tyler writhes his hands as he remembers these details. His eyelashes are wet from the memories and he uses the back of his palm to wipe them away. His back leans up against the cold wall of his cell, and looks out through the bars and into the hallway. He sees nothing but darkness. He tries to accept the fact that Josh may be gone for good. Tyler lays his head down on the cold pillow case and sighs deeply as the voice in his head keeps talking nonsense. 

 

“Shut the fuck up.” He mumbles to himself as he buries his face into the pillow.  

 

Tyler is just about to kick off his shoes when he sees a dim, gold light shine at the end of the hall. He perks his head up immediately, and stumbles his way to his cell door. He grasps the frigid metal tightly, white knuckles as he tries to see where the source is coming from. He’s breathing hard, his eyes wide as he fights off the tears.  

 

“Please,” Tyler mumbles to himself, just before a guard in a black uniform walks by holding a dim flashlight that emits a yellow gleam. 

 

“Inmate, get in bed and go to sleep.” He scolds, his deep authoritative voice rumbling through the empty halls. 

 

Tyler feels his heart break, a feeling he's gotten used to by now. He releases the bars from his grip as the guard stands in front of him, waiting for Tyler to get in bed. He pulls his hands into his chest and nods before turning his back to the man, and drags his feet to the hard mattress in the corner of his cell. Tyler’s head falls back onto the pillow, and he curls his legs up to his chest. He closes his eyes, not wanting to show how broken he truly is to the guard still watching him. The yellow light fades as the guard continues his rounds, leaving Tyler in the dark once again.  His whole body is shaking and he feels as if he’s going to throw up. He lets out a quiet sob and wipes his nose with his sleeve. He tries to sleep. 

 

It’s just then that Tyler feels a hand rest on his leg. His eyes shoot open to reveal his room lit with a warm, golden glow. Josh sits at the end of Tyler’s bed, lightly running his hand on Tyler’s thigh. His pink hair all messy against his forehead and peeking out from under his beanie. Tyler rubs his eyes, and when he opens them again Josh is still there. 

 

_Josh._

 

“Are you really here?” Tyler whispers, pleadingly. 

 

Josh smiles, the gold aura around him providing just enough light for him to see Tyler’s face.  

 

“Yeah Ty, I’m here.” 

 

Tyler sits up so fast he feels his head spin. He wraps his arms around Josh’s torso, pulling him in as tight as he physically can. Josh grins, laying his palms on Tyler’s back. They stay like this for what seems like a very long time and Tyler has his eyes closed as his head rests on Josh’s shoulder. Josh gently traces his finger tips up and down Tyler’s neck. It’s a few more minutes before Tyler finally speaks. 

 

“I’m so sorry, Josh. I’m so sorry. You know that wasn’t me, right? I would never- I could never do that to you Josh, I-“ He chokes out through his tears, trying his best to keep his voice low. 

 

This isn’t the first time Josh has heard this. Josh smiles and pushes Tyler off of his shoulder so he’s looking directly at him. Tyler’s eyes are red and puffy, the scars on his face casting shadows as they bounce off Josh’s ethereal glow. He takes Tyler’s face in his hands, and Tyler leans into the touch he’s been so desperate for. Josh wipes away the stray tears that fall from Ty’s face. 

 

“I know… I know. Hey- look at me.” Tyler opens his eyes and hiccups out a sob as he looks into Josh’s reassuring eyes. 

 

“I know that wasn’t you. I don’t blame you. I never did. I’m here, Tyler. I’m always going to be here. I’m not going to leave you.” 

 

Tyler purses his lips as his eyes squeeze shut. He knows Josh isn’t actually there, and that Josh won’t ever actually be there. But he feels Josh. He sees him. He hears his voice- and as much as everyone around him tells him that Josh is not real, Tyler doesn’t care. He knows the truth, but he does not care. To him, his best friend is sitting in front of him at this very moment, wiping his tears away and telling him how he’s never going to leave him. 

 

Even if everyone else can’t see him, Tyler knows Josh is always there. 

 

“Ty,” Josh says softly. “I love you. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.” 

 

Tyler is crying again. 

 

“I love you more than anything. I’m so sorry you’re in this awful place. But I’m not going to leave you, okay?” He pauses as he waits for a reply. Josh rubs his thumb along Tyler’s cheekbone. “Tyler,”

 

“I’m so sorry, Josh.” Tyler sobs out.  “I loved you. I loved you so much…I still do. I love you and I’m so sorry-“

 

Josh leans his head in, resting his forehead against Tyler’s for just a second before brushing his lips along his stubbly face. Tyler turns his head just enough, and Josh takes this as an invitation. He gently presses his lips against Tyler’s. Softy at first but when he feels Tyler push himself forward, Josh opens his mouth a little more to pull away, only to go right back in. Tyler feels as if he’s being stitched back together. His broken body slowly being put back where it all belongs. Josh was always the only person that made Tyler feel like this. Through any and all darkness, Josh was the light that seeped in through the cracks. 

 

Josh pulls away almost too quickly, his hands still on either side of Tyler’s face. He smiles as he looks into his best friend’s eyes. “Get some rest, sweetheart.” 

 

“Will you come back tomorrow?” Tyler asks, his voice shaky as he begs. “Please.” 

 

Josh nods as he lets his hands fall to Tyler’s shoulders. “Of course I will. Lay down.” 

 

Josh smiles and gestures toward the pillow at the head of Tyler’s bed. 

 

Tyler does as he’s told and lies down in the old and uncomfortable bed. The mattress squeaks as he kicks off his shoes. Josh stands up to allow him to pull up the covers and kneels down at the edge of Tyler’s bed; he runs his hand through Tyler’s messy hair. 

 

“Close your eyes. I’ll see you later.”

 

Tyler lets his heavy eyes fall shut. He can still feel Josh’s hand running through his hair and twirling the ends of it through his finger tips. He always loved this. For the first time in a long time, Tyler feels warm. 

 

He feels safe. 

 

He can hear Blurryface in the back of his mind talking about something Tyler can’t be bothered to listen to. He realizes his brain is the only thing making this real, but Tyler is so grateful for that in this very moment. He knows his brain is sick- but he also knows that it’s okay. It’s too late to go back, so all he can do is move forward. And he prays that Josh will still be with him through that. 

 

But as Josh runs his fingers through Tyler’s hair, his mind drifts to a wonderland he had never dared visit as he rotted in this cell. He knows Josh will stay true to his promise and come back to him. He has to. Tyler feels himself beginning to drift and he sighs contently. 

 

“Goodnight Ty,”

 


End file.
